我已经隐藏了我的内心世界好久，一切事情都有它去操动和烦恼。上一次的的转变，我都不记得何时，也忘了如何面对。可是，每当它在我人生中的转点画下句号，很显然的把我变得不一样了。每当我心里的世界开始启动了变化，它会令我感到很不安，仿佛天大灾难即将发生，一直都在提心吊胆，很不想改变的感觉，可是却阻止不了。因为某些事会因环境和时间而改变，这一切变动是任何人都改变不了。愿意不愿意，都还是被逼接受。既然我已经接受了改变，很自然的心理也会随着改变，让我变得坚强，勇敢，坚定，或许变得能够接受更多的挑战。可是，这一切是自然现象还是幻觉呢？可能是目前的借口把我给安抚着，好让我能够度过心底所启动的变化，不知能否长久。没有一个肯定的答案，唯有把视线范围专注于人生目标，迷茫的向前迈进，至少能够让自己感到成就感和安慰。
10 月21 号 2008年
人生中的转点
现在是晚上11.59分， 我的心情已进入了低潮。凝望着眼前的笔记好几回，却不能专心的读下去。一个未知的原因令我颓废了整个晚上。这几天的我都在忙碌于学业及人际关系，不停的想了又想，一切的过程都一人去熬过。疲倦的眼皮，脑细胞，以及身躯使我变得越来越懒散，慢慢地把脚步都放慢了。或许找不到合适的人选来分享烦恼，喜悦，悲伤 和感想。不对的事，不对的人，和不对的时间，当它们同时凑合起来，唯有一人慢慢的吞噬。
就在今晚，窗外吹着一阵阵的冷风，顿时把我烦乱 的心情给压瘾。忽然想念刚刚去了吉兰丹的一班朋友，让我觉得心酸以及悲伤，因为再过不久大家就会各奔西东，能否长联络已成了一个疑问。大学临时的决定使我们相聚的时间给缩短了，或许这样，我才会更加珍惜眼前人，把握现在。大学毕业，离别是一种难以形容的悲伤和心酸，那一刻却想把一切都停留着。可是，好景不长在，千里送君，总须一别，现在依依不舍的心情是否几年后还是依旧不变，相聚又何时呢！
一同去夜街，宵夜，看戏，吃饭，读书，考试的日子转眼间过了三年半。平时每当考过了一科重要的试，毫不犹豫的，到处招人去“泡”。怀念那兴奋的时刻，玩到三更半夜才舍得回家睡觉，然后隔天日升三更才起床已是家常便饭的事了。理大药剂系2005/06帮的大专生，狠读狠玩，感情不裂，也给讲师取了不少的花名，例如：艾迪森，巴比哈，小叮当，肥婆爱萨。。。等等，以便我们的话题更加顺畅和瘾人耳目。如今， 只剩一半，喜悦的确少了一半，读书的乐趣也随着消逝。第四年的我，如今只能与书作伴，勤奋读书为了帮助一些身挨疾病的人脱离苦难，回到向往的生活。如此 重大的责任，绝对不能马虎。
如今与我一同打球的好朋友都过去了那“地狱”的生活，剩下我一人在到处滥交一些常在羽球场上出现的“脚”，玩得很不过瘾。我好怀念，真得很怀念。。。那伤心的眼泪只能在心里面流，连打球的次数也慢慢的减少了，再过不久说不定不打了。。。
嗨。。。！人终是要面对现实，无论如何生活也得过下去。说不定到了人生的另一个阶段，对事情的看法会有另一番的滋味。
毕。
Today i feel that feeling again… i cant suppress this thought… i keep silent but my thought still floating the images over again… it’s indeed happened.. i find hard to describe my feeling, which so complicated and deep into my heart… i was being shot and sliced into my heart… it’s hurt… struggle inside my heart whether or not should i tell them about my feeling toward them…? i dunno… things can happen so fast and they dun realise…
why i’m so concern about these people? bcoz i’m concern since the begining… i take every steps to approach their feeling… so care about their views towards me… probably they just intentionally does it… or am i over sensitive? the way u treat me or the words/phrase u talk to me is definitely sending me the messages… “U Dun Like The Way i do or speak to you…”
Mayb i should stay away from them for some time, probably they may appreciate my existence for once… no matter how good i treat them or change personality for them… it’s useless…
I’m who i’m… i dun wan change for anybody…
Today is a nice but weak day… I’m feeling weak… once
again… undesirable thought is “POPing” out to my mind… is it every time when
a person feel weak or tired will easily to think negative side? Probably my
determination isn’t that strong to overcome my current situation…
What’s that important to be so dependent for someone? Never
thought of that question before… internal feeling tells me that I need to fight
against with other people… the more I fight, the more I feel tired and
meaningless… I dun think that’s the point that I wanna see… people dun think u
are the best… possibly stupid…
Don’t feel jealousy anymore… GAN… it’s doesn’t belong to u…
and u really can choose not to have to… u really… don’t… have to…
It’s time to slow down my steps and really think of what I
really wan… my possession… my thought, I have to reorganize it… I was too fast
and being unaware of everything beside me… there are a lot of things that need
me… and they deserve to have my appreciation and attention… it’s time
to change my thought…my attention… my perception… and appreciation to things again…
Flash back… a normal word and it was a frequently seen when i was form 5… it was a long long story for… i barely could remember what had happening in the past… only those memorable things… it was a hard time when in secondary school… study and study… tuition after tuition… non-stop… in the end… i manage to finish my form 5, luckily with some qualified grade that enable me to further my study in better places…
Pahang Matriculation College…
What a nice name but not for the place… haha… it’s too deep located in downtown area… hardly acceptable initially… well… people still need to learn how to grow up and be stronger… with a strong BELIEVE and encouragement from my family… i decided to stay there… Sounds very pity, huh…!
The main point of this masterpiece is only mention about my academic aspect in the past… which is no longer important to me…
Human is an extraordinary creature… They learn very fast and grow more intelligent … improve from decade… but they also destroy and ruin everything… they create monster and devil in their own heart…
Nobody… It’s a nice word and applicable for those may concern!!! When u say u r nobody to someone… it means ur existence is equal to ZERO, ur value is nothing important, or in short u r NOTHING to that particular people.
Actually, ‘nobody’ is meaningless… esp u really dun mind to b ‘nobody’… wat if u assume u used to be and u keep alleged that u were someone or at least somethings… subconsciously aware u that u were… u keep telling urself that u were someone… u hv the responsibility…
U determine to start contribute… u keep contributing… No matter how hard the condition u encountered or even how worse the feedback u received… u try to find various kind of assumption, excuses, reasons for urself comfort… u dun care bout the harsh situation, how bad u feel… Sometimes, u r hurted by somebody… no appreciation and gratefulness, it resemble cut of knife sliding through ur heart slowly and continuously until it bleed… u can feel the flesh and blood flowing out… there is nothing u can do with neurohormonal effect… v r human… Once of while, u manage to stand up like a man again… scar doesnt scare u from contributing… the more contribution, the more scar implanted either in heart or memories… wat if wat u r when fail, ur pain is like uncure disease, seasonally attack ur heart and soul… every time u doubt about ur philosophy of life… It become side effect… unrecoverable doom…
In the middle of nite, ur thought to quit… u fed up… sad… cry in heart… pretending very strong… In the end, u still giving him or her a chance again…
This situation started since the begining u choose to b… ur determination doesnt allow u to quit… It’s not worthy… Until 1 day, u finally perceived something… Ur perception was wrong, it’s totally wrong… u doesnt meant anything or somebody … u resemble a piece of tissue paper, throwing away with no doubt… no mercy… doesnt even realize and aware… someone din aware of ur existence… u are nothing… but NOBODY…
Today, you can overcome any kind of tension effectively just by being honest. Practice rolling your eyes — you’re going to be doing plenty of that
today as people around you bust out with ridiculous ideas and opinions.
You might not be able to sway them, but you can at least register
disbelief.
There is a growing field of negative energy between you and a friend or
coworker, and it should be addressed head on — before it has a chance
to grow any larger. You can overcome tension most effectively just by
being honest. Say what you really feel — no matter how silly you think
it could sound. The more you hold back, the longer it will take to get
things back on the right track. Don’t wait for the ‘perfect time’ to
talk to them, because it doesn’t exist.
Your friends have a lot to say today, but you just roll your eyes
whenever they try to tell you what’s what. They’re kind of misinformed,
but that doesn’t mean you need to correct every last mistake.
什么是真心朋友？你有过这样的疑问吗? 你希望的真心朋友是什么样的类型呢？所谓：“在家靠父母，出外靠朋友” 这个道理代表着一定的内容。不是每一个情况都用同一个道理。曾经有缘人告诉过我，就算是你最好的朋友都会将你出卖的一天。我百思不得其解，这个道理可能会有用到的一天。从我一懂事开始，我不明白什么叫做真心朋友。小学时常被朋友欺负，听到一些很难听的话，因此学会了自我保护才不会一直被欺负。朋友只不过是无聊的时候陪你说说话而已。后来，慢慢的长大了，开始明白朋友不只是会陪你说话的工具，偶尔会替你分担问题，谈心事。在中学时期，友情讯速的发展，一起打球，一起补习，一起说笑，日子过得很开心。所谓：“好景不长在”，“岁月不留人”，中学毕业后，大家各奔前途，慢慢的，减少了联络，结果感情也慢慢变淡。在街上遇见时，话题过不到一两句就断了。心里很不舒服。难道这么多年的朋友就这样完了吗？很不甘心。时间会冲淡一切，距离会疏远感情。这个道理的确没错，要走的就随他去，刻意挽留却显得另有企图。 人会变，月会圆。人一旦踏出社会，就应而改变，环境及社会问题所引响是再所难免。或许想看到的还是不变的朋友，对你迎面而笑，抬举的称赞，觉得有所满足。还算真心朋友吗？或许还是。真心朋友是以心待人，赞美的话，偶尔说说也无妨。有话直说，以最有诚意的说法，把心里的话表达出来。讽刺的话，能免则免，以免破坏感情。曾经有一个前辈说，朋友是互相利用的。难道有利用价值的才能当朋友吗？难道雪中送炭的就不是朋友吗？或许前辈是对的。毕竟他们吃盐比我们吃饭多，活了几十年，看世界比我们还久。没错，人面兽心，人心难测，几年过后，有谁能肯定。人分很多阶乘，社会是很现实的，所以物以类聚，互相睥视，同一阶乘的才能做朋友。这句话未免太没人情味。其实，是话题不同而已，令人产生错觉，并无大碍。只要找到一个适合的话题，问题就解决了。有时候说话要有一个限度，好让彼此下台，所谓；“凡事留一线，它日好相见”。毕竟大家还是朋友。
人生并没那么悲观，或许你还没找到你理想的真心朋友和你分享喜怒哀乐，或许已经找到了。无论如何，好好地珍惜眼见的朋友，它可能会成为你一生中不可多得的知己。
Hey Hey….I believe everybody start writing their new feeling and opinion in blog respectively…so do i…my feeling is based on my previous experiences…upon the comparison…this time…i’m no longer energized…big contrast when i was in 1st and 2nd year…
Haha…i also try to figure out wat’s going on to me…old d? lost? or lack of motivation…i got a group of "piggy and doggy friends" as i came by from secondary school till nw…no worry, no doubt…they indeed r my good and some r my best friends…of course…some choose to my enemy(forget bout it lah)…and some seems to be a stranger even after 2 years…
My expectation on this coming sem? Of course…i will try all my effort to "upgrade" in my education aspect…by the time…ENJOY…enjoy my Uni life wif my Crazy course mate…during this 2 months holiday…i finally obtain the answer that i had been looking for 2 years in Uni life…an answer that resemble a key which unlock my mind…sounds like wisdom or some superstitious stuff in movies? hehe…wasnt me refuse to explain but is better keep to myself…sorry…
Bec to my new feeling on school reopen…to b frank…no special strong feeling…probably due to my research paper! i spent 1 month something in USM in order to complete my experiment…It’s bout BE! I’m glad to follow this research…instead of learning, i also manage to make friend with some Phd Students…haha…they r very nice…So i dun have such feeling of desire to school just like some of my friends did…
Hopefully…in this coming sem…with the aid of the answer, i can do better in my academic…my responsibility as vice president…playing good role as friends…
sociable…in short…everything good…
